January 10, 2018

This week I had a motherhood moment that I hope I always remember. A moment that made me cry and think "Wow, I'm not a crappy mom" 

Parenthood is one of the hardest, if not the hardest jobs we are called to do. Like all jobs, it comes much more naturally to some. Some Mom's and Dad's are super soft spoken, gentle, playful, and able to slow down and just be present with their kids more than others. Or... maybe they have some of those abilities and not all of them. When I observe these parents I am quick to think "I wish I could be more like that". 

The truth is - I wouldn't look at another mom or dad that is tightly wound like me and say they are a bad parent. So WHY do I tell myself that? Every time I speak ill to myself, I am telling God that He did not do a good job creating me. And that right there is a lie - He made me exactly how I am for a purpose. Yes, I need to keep growing and developing my skills and abilities to be more like Him each day. What I am saying is that my specific personality traits will still be mine. 
You see... I am not a playful mom. I have to work hard to stop and play. I have to plan creative time. I don't do well in the kitchen with little kids. I was (and sometimes still am) that mom that pre-measures everything to reduce mess and reduce the chance of what we were making not turning out. Total control freak. I like structure. I like tidiness. I like to take care of my list and feel like #allthethings have been taken care of. I am also one of those moms that have no patience for having to repeat myself with older kids. I am loud. I freak out when there is too much noise. I buy clear tablecloths so that my table doesn't get paint on it. I lose my mind often... I yell. Sadly, I yell. Although I try hard to only speak life over my kids, I know I speak in ways that are not, way too often. I am the mom that loves to snuggle with my kids. I love to color and do art projects but rarely do it. I make up songs to be silly or get them to do as I have asked. I like to make them fun snacks. I clean out their rooms and take their things when they don't follow thru and clean up their mess. I believe "If you're hungry you'll eat" and refuse to offer my kids something else to eat. I sang my girls to sleep until they were 6 and 7, maybe older. I still occasionally sing to them at night and they are now preteens. I get upset and lose my crap when I feel like no one is helping me. I plan fun outings and almost always get feisty before we leave because no one is on time. I feel frustrated with my kids every day (I hate that). BUT I love them with all that I am.
AND none of what I listed above is being a bad mom. #amiright ?
Tell me friend, WHY OH WHY are we so hard on ourselves? 
So back to that sweet mama moment.
Over the last week, the girls and I have been watching a Hallmark show on Netflix called When Calls the Heart. I read this series when I was a young teen and I loved the books. My girls are loving the show. As I watch how gentle the women in the show are, I catch myself saying "why can't I be more like that Lord?". Then my daughter says "Mama they sound like you!", "What?!" I say, both girls chime in together "The things they say are the exact words you speak to us and tell us.". I got all misty and grateful. God reminded me that my kids see WAY more than my mom challenges, they see all my mom SUCCESSES too. AND they are hearing me. Praise the Lord! 
So Parents - Take a moment and think about who you are as a parent, accept yourself, and look at all your parenting wins. Most of all, hold onto how much you love them and tell them.  You can't tell them enough. Stop telling yourself what you are doing wrong as a parent and start telling yourself what you are doing right. 
I will no longer remind myself how often I lose my mind and yell. I will begin by telling myself that I am loving and gentle. Most of all I will ask the Lord for help more often. 
Be blessed, my friends! Love who He made you to be as a person, as a parent, as an entrepreneur ... all of those things or whatever you do.
Much Love.


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